No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
