Your mouth is God's brothel.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sober January is a disaster.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
