I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
