toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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