I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize