he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize