The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The Olympian is in my bed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
