all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
