he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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