why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
