guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
