The maid of honor just puked.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize