Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
