He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
