that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
