So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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