no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
