We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
