dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
