Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
