Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did i walk over a car last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
