guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
