why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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