she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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