I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
