maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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