I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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