How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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