I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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