So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Found the puke drawer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
