On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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