p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
