: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
