Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
