and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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