6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
