We're like a lot better than the average bears
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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