We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
