just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
