we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
