tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
