Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
