I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
