this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
