I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize