Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
