maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
