Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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