Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
