You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
