my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
