for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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