John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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