I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
