Cold hands, warm shart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize