I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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