I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
