do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
