If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
