for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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