Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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