Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
