What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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