Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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