I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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