haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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