we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
