You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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