If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
