She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
