I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
